Mamma Mia, Quesadillas and a Dream...

In my never-ending quest to become a "real" writer (you know...one who actually gets money deposited into their checking account for the written word), I busied myself with Script Frenzy for the month of April. This was actually an attempt to write my second screenplay. My first screenplay I actually had the audacity to let be submitted for a 2010 Nicholl Fellowship through the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. Five talented, but yet undiscovered, writers are given $30,000 to take time off from their real jobs and write yet another screenplay. It's a major foot in the door to break into the movie/television business. Don't laugh - we all have dreams. Mine are just on the cusp of barely achievable.

Anyway, while writing this screenplay, much has happened in the kingdom, as it always does. And not all of it was good. The King's back went out in a bad way. So much so that he had to take time off from his rule, go under the knife and realize that health is indeed something never again to be taken for granted.

While taking some time off, penny-pinching has become an important sport in the castle. The King took measures to reduce the phone bill. He was quite adamant that everyone in the house take note that we would now be charged for some calls outside a certain radius.

Prince Michael was a bit confused about whether incoming calls from areas outside the castle walls were permitted. His best friend (outside said walls) assured him that incoming calls were fine, according to his dad anyway. At which Mike declared, "I don't care what your dad says...he's not the one who grounds me."

On one of our usual Tuesday outings to the library and then dinner, we stopped at the local Taco Bell. For some reason, even though we were only the second people in line, it took ages for us to get served. (Royalty really doesn't mean what it used to). After 10 minutes of trying to keep my cool as several drive-through customers were served while we stood there waiting, Princess Shannon said for the fifth time how starving she was.

"What are you getting anyway?" I asked, again trying not to lose it. "I'm getting the quesadillas. I love those things." Then, out of the blue, she starts singing to Abba's Mamma Mia, "Quesadilla, here I go again. My, my, how can I resist you?" And I'm talking she did half the song using food related lyrics. I turned and saw that our neighbors in line got quite a kick out of it. Not sure how long we waited, but after singing "Quesadillas" the time did seem to go much faster. I wonder if Taco Bell pays for ad campaign ideas.

Band-Aids and Amputated Arms

I find when any of my offspring complain about teachers that, as an adult, it's my duty to defend the teacher's actions as it's generally in the child's best interest. "Teachers know what's best for you." However, I found I just couldn't understand what possessed a certain teacher of Princess Shannon this week.

The night before, Shannon was told she had to get a book cover for her textbook. As we now live in the "Age of Green", we don't usually have excess paper bags hanging around the house any longer. So I suggested she use newspaper. Comics procured from the recycle bin - book wrapped and taped accordingly - Project Book Cover: Done. Not so fast.

Shannon relayed that her Spanish teacher saw her comic-covered book while she visited her locker, and proceeded to have a complete fit.

"What is that?" asked Concerned Teacher.

"What?" wondered Shannon.

Concerned Teacher pointed to textbook. "That, on your book?"

"It's my book cover," she answered confused.

"Why in the world would you use newspaper to cover your book? It's like putting a Band-Aid on an amputated arm. It'll never do."

Shannon explained that we don't have paper bags in the house, and then showed the teacher another book, which was also covered with newspaper. "I covered this book at the beginning of the school year." This was six months ago. Pretty sure a Band-Aid wouldn't hold up for six months on an amputated arm.

At this, Concerned Teacher snatched the book away from her and walked away without a word - leaving Shannon in a state of panic as to whether she was going to get the book back before her Social Studies class began.

An hour later, a fellow student came into Shannon's class and handed her the book - with the comics covered entirely with masking tape. The student then wagged her finger at Shannon and said, "Concerned Teacher says, 'Now don't let a thing TOUCH THIS, OR ELSE.'" 

Now I could see that perhaps the teacher didn't believe newspaper was a suitable cover, but why not send the student home with the book to take care of it herself? When I saw what must have been a half a roll of masking tape on the book, I laughed and had to agree with my children that sometimes teachers might just be a little insane. Ah, hell... they're only human.

From Mr. Roboto to Man Boobs...

A bit of a delay in getting off the latest post. A couple of the latest happenings in our little kingdom.

• Went to a camping and RV show a couple of weeks ago. I must say that persons residing outside the castle walls and at this particular event were quite a curious sort. My perceptions that people who are passionate about camping are in good shape (you know, hiking, canoeing, camping etc.) was quite ill conceived. I had to wonder at the girth of some and thought it quite possible the Earth could indeed be revolving around them one day.
• As we left one of the buildings to go home, Princess Shannon somehow lost her balance and fell into one of the crowd control barriers, giving the Royal Family quite a hearty laugh. To which she quipped, "Apparently, one isn't allowed to be clumsy in this family."
• Last week, after finishing the week's worth of work requirements, I loaded the kids in the carriage and headed to N.H. to surprise my mom for her birthday. It's a 3+ hour ride, and though I had worked for 8 hours already that day, the ride was a breeze as we blasted Mr. Roboto and sang at the top of our lungs with absolutely no shame to be found. I suggest the next time you're bored on a long ride to test this classic on your kids. 3 plays and they'll be hooked.
• Though I feel I put in a good workweek, today I was determined to get my cabinets organized. No small task, I assure you. What inspired me? If I had to see the Family Guy's man boobs taking up room in my cabinet one more day, I was going to lose it. 

The Glorious Olympics...Through the Eyes of Children

The royal children are on their winter break from school. This is a wonderful time to watch Queen Mum leave for work and then proceed to become zombified by today's technology, whether they've been given permission or not. After our weekly excursion to the town's library last night, we came home, and soon the sounds of Nickelodeon were filling my ears.

"Turn on NBC," I instruct. "What's on NBC?" came the accusatory tones, essentially saying, "How dare you interrupt a repeat of a repeat of a repeat of Hanna Montana?" "The Olympics are on," I answer.

Princess Shannon is not pleased. "This is boring," she declares after, no exaggeration, THREE SECONDS. I ignore the comment. A run is about to begin on the women's snowboard cross...let's see how boring it is after watching some kick-ass girls grabbing some serious air while racing done a mountain at speeds averaging faster than I usually drive, (unless I'm late for work, of course).

After a couple of wipeouts, suddenly no one is complaining anymore. Princess Brianna is happy because apparently she was told to watch the Olympics for a class project coming up after the break. Hmmm, wonder when she planned on divulging that info.

Women's snowboard cross, cool. Next up, mens figure skating. Now, here comes the fun. 

"He's cute," says Shannon.

"He doesn't like girls," quips Prince Michael.  

"Why do you say that?" I ask irritated, not for the fact that it wasn't necessarily true, but the fact that it probably was true in this case. I just want to watch the guys skate for crying out loud, do I have to give lessons on sexuality while I do so?

Anyway, Michael proceeds to point out their flamboyant clothing and makeup. I tell him it's all just a part of the presentation. He's not buying it. 

So here we come to the moment when a skater waits for his score. The camera zooms in on the skater's face or if the cameraman is somewhat kind, just the upper torso. Each time, for at least a minute, we watch these poor people waiting for the final sentence (anything less than 3rd place IS a sentence). They smile, squint, rock back and forth because their nerves are on edge. For years they've trained, waiting for this moment. And what does Prince Michael say? "They look like they're trying to take a dump."

Uproarious laughter ensues, yes, even from me, because I had to admit, the guy we were watching at the time looked like he was in serious need of Metamucil Plus. Each grimace, squint and rocking motion sent everyone in deep hysterics. As the third person sat down to be judged I had to put an end to it. Forget about the actual skating part, now they just wanted to see what the next guy did when he sat down. Try not to chuckle the next time you watch...I challenge you. 

Shades of Gray

Homework - Imagine this word written with such distain that my fingers are literally cringing on the keyboard as I write it. It's a hot topic for some parents - an inferno to others.

I embrace summer because not only do I get to let the kids be kids for a brief period, but I get a brief respite from the King's expectations of homework. The perception is that children should joyously walk through the door after 6 hours of school and happily plant their behinds at their desks for another 2 hours to commence the education process, and then study ahead for another hour or two to get ahead of the class. And don't you dare move from that seat until it's all finished. Mental breaks be damned!

Pardon my rant this morning. After another long day at work, I come home to Prince Michael's beloved camera being taken away. He was warned the previous day that he is to come home, sit down, and not move until his homework is completed.

Just prior to my arrival, Michael was caught outside before his homework was done - because he was throwing rock salt out on the driveway in anticipation of today's snowstorm.

There is no doubt that children are better off for having two parents. Kids have different skill sets and experiences to pull from each. However, these different skill sets and experiences sometimes make each parent want to kill each other because they just don't see things through the same pair of eyes.

Because Prince Michael decided to do something nice, but not his homework, the King's Black and White view of life immediately kicked in. The King sees it as a personal afront to his wishes and Dooms Day predictions ensue that Prince Michael will be a peasant for the rest of his life. It is duly noted that I "let this happen", even though I just walked through the door.

As a teenager I remember quite well that homework was a task I detested. Other priorities, like socializing, were far more preferable. Though Prince Michael is an average student, he possesses an outgoing personality that most people compliment us on. He makes goals (earn enough money for an SLR camera, clean the garage without being asked, etc.) and achieves them.

There is no doubt in my mind that the King is correct, Prince Michael's average grades won't get him into the University of Camelot. But working in the Kingdom of Workplace Requirements for over 20 years, I believe it's gumption and great personalities that make people successful at work. Prince Michael knows that because his grades are not great, he will end up paying his way through college - the royal jewels are not as plentiful as we'd like.

For Prince Michael, this will be a lesson learned a bit later. I did, and I still think life is pretty damn good. I will continue to reward good behavior, and hand out reasonable punishments for poor behavior, but at the end of the day, you can't change a person's nature or attitude; they must decide to do that for themselves. Why kill yourself trying?

Respect - Good, Poisoning Town Water Supply - Bad

Yesterday - worked 10 hours, 1/2 hour commute home, make dinner for 7 people, then rush out the drawbridge to Prince Michael's high school open house for another hour and a half. This is the life of the working American mom - Anybody want to trade?

Anyway, I'm not whining...just setting the stage. Prince Michael came along for the ride to the open house, not because he wanted to keep Queen Mum company, but because he couldn't remember the room numbers I had to go to so I could meet his teachers.

"We're going to be a few minutes late," I announced as we drove.

He looked in the brochure that was sent home about the event. "The parents are supposed to meet in the auditorium first for an introduction speech. They're probably just going to go over the school's Core Values."

The school's Core Values are plastered all over the facility. The kids are reminded of the Core Values on a regular basis. It's what they want each and every kid to take to heart.

"So do you remember the Core Values," I ask Michael in an inpromptu quiz, much to every teenagers delight.

"Integrity, Responsibility, Good Citizenship and ...," he pauses hoping the fourth will pop into his head quickly before any kind of speech ensues. Too late ...

"So what's the fourth one. Don't they talk about this stuff all the time?" I ask, a bit annoyed. 3 out of 4, another C. Michael is known not to be the most studious in the royal family.

"Respect," he answers quickly. "Mom, everyone just makes fun of the Core Values anyway. Even the teachers." Here he says, with sarcastic flaire, "One day I was going to poison the town's water supply, but then I remembered, 'Hey, that's against our Core Values.' Phew, disaster averted."

I had to laugh at my son's hypothetical scenario (at least I hope it was hypothetical). I did wonder then, why is the school so amped up on these Core Values. Is it because so many parents just don't parent (discipline)these days? Is there now such little parenting being done that the schools had to take over in order to function without their teachers getting beat up by the students?

The lesson here is that we shouldn't be waiting and encouraging our schools to teach core values. This is part of our job description. We should be the ones teaching respect, responsibility, good citizenship and integrity. The schools' job is to teach reading, writing and arithmetic (oh, and, in our disctrict, studio clay and chimes, too. I do love the occasional tea pot and pencil holder Prince Michael graces our castle with).

Speech Impediments Are No Laughing Matter...

...but once in a while they do make you secretly chuckle a bit.

Last night Princess Brianna and Princess Shannon were piled on the king bed talking about our day. Brianna began to relate a story about a wedding that was held while the people were skydiving. I wondered if the guests skydived as well.

No, they were waiting on the ground. "It was just the bride, the broom and the holy bible guy." Shannon and I began laughing hysterically as we pictured a priest falling from the heavens with a beautiful bride and a wooden broomstick. "Give me a pen," I commanded. I didn't want to forget this one.

Now, when Princess Bri was about 3, she rarely spoke. We had her tested, and discovered she had a speech delay. Well, after a few years of speech therapy in school for an hour each week, you can hardly tell she had any issues with speech, other than an occasional mix of consonant blends ("br" switched w/"gr" for instance). She probably talks more than Princess Shannon and Prince Michael now.

Brianna's little mix-up reminded me of a little pile of papers collecting dust on my desk. These were written haphazardly after hearing funny quips from my little ones as they were growing up. Here are a few you might get a chuckle from:

• "The Liberty Girl" - Shannon, referring to The Statue of Liberty
• Princess Shannon (almost 7) was spending the last hour with me a work one day. Mike, the UPS driver came to pickup our packages at the usual time. Shannon whispers in my ear, "He's pretty cute." She then pulls me down to whisper again, "Don't you dare tell him that or I'll pound you down."
• While giving medicine to Shannon, Prince Michael suggests that she drink water with it because "that's what the destructions say."
• While Shannon was opening her brother's birthday card at her party, he informed her that he put something (confetti) in the card. Shannon replied in front of all the guests, "I bet it's a dolla'!"
• Shannon commenting on my guitar playing during a practice session - "I think you're even better than guitar-lesson boy" (meaning, Jay, my instructor).
• After Shannon asked for grilled-cheese sandwiches, like she did every day that week, I told her no. "How come you always get to pick what's for dinner?" I replied with the classic standby, "Because I'm the mommy." "Well, when I'm the mommy, I'm only going to give my kids their favorite foods." - I can't wait to see how long that lasts.
• Michael was giving Brianna a hard time when she was asking for some help. Shannon came to stick up for her. "Are you helpfuless? Brianna's not unhelpfulless." - The funny thing is, technically, this might be correct in what she was trying to say.
• Shannon had a crush on Duke James, a little boy in her 1st grade class. I asked why she liked him. "Well, he's got blond hair and freckles. He's really handsome, and he seems real nice, too." 6 years-old and she already had a good idea what she wanted in a man.
• I was listening to one of my favorite bands, Elbow. Mike said, " I like that music. It sounds cool and funky, and I don't even know what funky is."
• Shannon was playing a Lord of The Rings game on the Playstation with her brother. After slashing down a multitude of Orcs she declared, "I'm pretty and I'm cute, but I love to kill!"
• I surprised Brianna for lunch one day by taking her to Red Robin alone. As we were finishing our meals, I started to choke a little bit. Brianna seemed very concerned, "Mom, mom, are you okay?" I successfully cleared my throat and told her I was fine. "Oh, good, 'cuz I need someone to pay the bill."
• One Valentine's Day before work, Mike (then 9) told me while dressing that I should get a red shirt with a heart on it that says "Bug off. I already have a husband."
• Shannon said that when her babysitter, Cassie, comes over, sometimes after dinner she lets them have candy. "Even the big sucky ones." "You mean, candy canes?" "Yes."
• After coming back from a college class, I came home to Mike battling hiccups. He said he had them "because you study too much."
• Shannon was four, and she was reading a story to us a bedtime. Mike corrected one of her words, at which she declared, "Mike, I can get this. What am I? A two-year old?"
• In the same vein, Shannon said, "What do you think I am? A not-knower?"
• Brianna couldn't finish a big glass of milk before bed, so I told her to put the rest in the fridge. As I walked out of the room, I heard her put the glass in and say, "Milk, there's no monsters, ok? Ok, goodnight, milk."

This is why I love having children.

Always Call Ahead ...

It was a lovely weekend, and on Saturday my husband decided to take his royal family out to lunch. He had a hankering for the splendorous pizza at Pizzeria Regina in our local mall - it never disappoints to fill a hungry belly with style.

We eagerly turned our way through the obstacle course of patrons in the food court - all smiles and joking because for some reason we were really in the mood for some great pizza that day, and our craving was about to be satisfied. That's when we noticed the lack of greasy cheese odors in the air - instead we were greeted by the vision of plywood ... boarding up my favorite eatery at the mall.

Smiles turned into frowns and confusion. "Of all days, the day when we come here specifically to go to this one restaurant, it's closed?" If people were watching us, it must have been a pretty funny site. We stood in the middle of the food court looking around like a family without a country. "Maybe they moved it," my King suggested. A quick search of the perimeter ensued -nothing.

It was at that moment we all looked at each other and began to laugh our royal behinds off, because never did we go to the mall with this restaurant as the main reason for going. It was always the afterthought after doing some shopping. The irony made the whole thing seem ridiculously funny to us.

For over 10 years, this was my place of choice to eat on our numerous excursions to the mall. It was quick, and I could either have a greasy cheese slice or one piled with killer fresh veggies. Instead we turned and went into Friendly's, which is fine if you want to wait 25 minutes to get your meal, and pay twice as much.

Never take something as simple as a favorite place to eat for granted. Take time to appreciate every morsel you can - before the economy throws the place out of business.

The Things Kids Argue About

The pecking of the keys only adds to my headache - courtesy of Princess Shannon and Prince Michael.

Over the course of dinner this evening, fierce debate ensued over whether Prince Michael could play Duke Kanye West's music within earshot of Princess Shannon. You see, Prince Michael is a Kanye West fan, and Princess Shannon is a fan of Duchess Taylor Swift. If you have an even minor inkling on the pulse of popular culture, you know why this is a hot button topic for a 12 and 15 year-old. If you don't, just take a peek at the embedded video.

Shannon was at one time a Kanye West fan, but after his rude interruption of Taylor Swift, stealing her thunder quicker than one of the vagabond children in Oliver Twist could lift a pocket watch, Shannon swore out of principle she would no longer listen to or support Mr. West's musical endeavours.

Four months have passed since the incident, yet to hear Shannon, it might as well have been 5 minutes ago. I'm proud she's sticking to her guns, but I have to wonder...is it truly out of principle, or does she just want to annoy the hell out of her brother?

A Tribute on MLK Jr. Day

I'm running into the snow to run to work while my little ones sleep in on this Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I must not be jealous for I enjoyed those days myself long ago.

My son shared the attached tribute to MLK Jr. Day, so I feel he has done at least a little something to deserve the day off more than some. Take time to remember the man we honor today.

There is Hope

His Majesty, my husband, made a New Year's Resolution this year to help the cooks in the kitchen prepare our feast once a week. He chose Wednesdays as his night.

For Queen Mum, this was wonderful to hear, because she doesn't usually make it home until after 5:45 (running the kingdom is not easy work) and, in actually, she does not have a real cooking staff. I have a cooking staff of 1, me, and occasionally Princess Brianna is good for offering to stir various pots and chopping vegetables.

The first Wednesday I came home, His Majesty was still in bed (he works nights, remember). I knew he wanted help with his first few meals, but I at least expected him to be awake - I was a bit disappointed and set about my work of gathering a leftover feast because I was not in the mood to drum up new goods.

Last night, however, His Majesty was as good as his word. I started him with something simple - Chicken Voila! He cut up chicken and he sauteed it nicely (there's only about enough chicken for His Majesty alone in a bag of Chicken Voila! so I add a lb myself, plus more vegetables).

These are great for a quick meal for working moms, and it gives the non-cooker, like His Majesty, some confidence that he can make something edible for the family. Something about watching a man cook for you is pretty hot, too. Definitely got a few kisses and hugs squeezed in between stirring sessions. This is going to give my Wednesdays a whole new meaning to Hump Day.

Before the Birds

5:45 and already I've made my first call to start the daily business of running the Kingdom.

Before waking the subjects today, I'm on the search for some good beginner piano tips online. I have been commandeering Prince Michael's piano on occasion since 1/1/10 because I swore this year I WILL teach myself this great instrument.

There's an added benefit as well, because there's nothing like a little competition to get your offspring to practice. Can't have Queen Mum surpassing their skills just because she actually practices every day! That would be horrible. 'Tis true...when you really want the kids to do something - set the example.