Speech Impediments Are No Laughing Matter...

...but once in a while they do make you secretly chuckle a bit.

Last night Princess Brianna and Princess Shannon were piled on the king bed talking about our day. Brianna began to relate a story about a wedding that was held while the people were skydiving. I wondered if the guests skydived as well.

No, they were waiting on the ground. "It was just the bride, the broom and the holy bible guy." Shannon and I began laughing hysterically as we pictured a priest falling from the heavens with a beautiful bride and a wooden broomstick. "Give me a pen," I commanded. I didn't want to forget this one.

Now, when Princess Bri was about 3, she rarely spoke. We had her tested, and discovered she had a speech delay. Well, after a few years of speech therapy in school for an hour each week, you can hardly tell she had any issues with speech, other than an occasional mix of consonant blends ("br" switched w/"gr" for instance). She probably talks more than Princess Shannon and Prince Michael now.

Brianna's little mix-up reminded me of a little pile of papers collecting dust on my desk. These were written haphazardly after hearing funny quips from my little ones as they were growing up. Here are a few you might get a chuckle from:

• "The Liberty Girl" - Shannon, referring to The Statue of Liberty
• Princess Shannon (almost 7) was spending the last hour with me a work one day. Mike, the UPS driver came to pickup our packages at the usual time. Shannon whispers in my ear, "He's pretty cute." She then pulls me down to whisper again, "Don't you dare tell him that or I'll pound you down."
• While giving medicine to Shannon, Prince Michael suggests that she drink water with it because "that's what the destructions say."
• While Shannon was opening her brother's birthday card at her party, he informed her that he put something (confetti) in the card. Shannon replied in front of all the guests, "I bet it's a dolla'!"
• Shannon commenting on my guitar playing during a practice session - "I think you're even better than guitar-lesson boy" (meaning, Jay, my instructor).
• After Shannon asked for grilled-cheese sandwiches, like she did every day that week, I told her no. "How come you always get to pick what's for dinner?" I replied with the classic standby, "Because I'm the mommy." "Well, when I'm the mommy, I'm only going to give my kids their favorite foods." - I can't wait to see how long that lasts.
• Michael was giving Brianna a hard time when she was asking for some help. Shannon came to stick up for her. "Are you helpfuless? Brianna's not unhelpfulless." - The funny thing is, technically, this might be correct in what she was trying to say.
• Shannon had a crush on Duke James, a little boy in her 1st grade class. I asked why she liked him. "Well, he's got blond hair and freckles. He's really handsome, and he seems real nice, too." 6 years-old and she already had a good idea what she wanted in a man.
• I was listening to one of my favorite bands, Elbow. Mike said, " I like that music. It sounds cool and funky, and I don't even know what funky is."
• Shannon was playing a Lord of The Rings game on the Playstation with her brother. After slashing down a multitude of Orcs she declared, "I'm pretty and I'm cute, but I love to kill!"
• I surprised Brianna for lunch one day by taking her to Red Robin alone. As we were finishing our meals, I started to choke a little bit. Brianna seemed very concerned, "Mom, mom, are you okay?" I successfully cleared my throat and told her I was fine. "Oh, good, 'cuz I need someone to pay the bill."
• One Valentine's Day before work, Mike (then 9) told me while dressing that I should get a red shirt with a heart on it that says "Bug off. I already have a husband."
• Shannon said that when her babysitter, Cassie, comes over, sometimes after dinner she lets them have candy. "Even the big sucky ones." "You mean, candy canes?" "Yes."
• After coming back from a college class, I came home to Mike battling hiccups. He said he had them "because you study too much."
• Shannon was four, and she was reading a story to us a bedtime. Mike corrected one of her words, at which she declared, "Mike, I can get this. What am I? A two-year old?"
• In the same vein, Shannon said, "What do you think I am? A not-knower?"
• Brianna couldn't finish a big glass of milk before bed, so I told her to put the rest in the fridge. As I walked out of the room, I heard her put the glass in and say, "Milk, there's no monsters, ok? Ok, goodnight, milk."

This is why I love having children.

Always Call Ahead ...

It was a lovely weekend, and on Saturday my husband decided to take his royal family out to lunch. He had a hankering for the splendorous pizza at Pizzeria Regina in our local mall - it never disappoints to fill a hungry belly with style.

We eagerly turned our way through the obstacle course of patrons in the food court - all smiles and joking because for some reason we were really in the mood for some great pizza that day, and our craving was about to be satisfied. That's when we noticed the lack of greasy cheese odors in the air - instead we were greeted by the vision of plywood ... boarding up my favorite eatery at the mall.

Smiles turned into frowns and confusion. "Of all days, the day when we come here specifically to go to this one restaurant, it's closed?" If people were watching us, it must have been a pretty funny site. We stood in the middle of the food court looking around like a family without a country. "Maybe they moved it," my King suggested. A quick search of the perimeter ensued -nothing.

It was at that moment we all looked at each other and began to laugh our royal behinds off, because never did we go to the mall with this restaurant as the main reason for going. It was always the afterthought after doing some shopping. The irony made the whole thing seem ridiculously funny to us.

For over 10 years, this was my place of choice to eat on our numerous excursions to the mall. It was quick, and I could either have a greasy cheese slice or one piled with killer fresh veggies. Instead we turned and went into Friendly's, which is fine if you want to wait 25 minutes to get your meal, and pay twice as much.

Never take something as simple as a favorite place to eat for granted. Take time to appreciate every morsel you can - before the economy throws the place out of business.

The Things Kids Argue About

The pecking of the keys only adds to my headache - courtesy of Princess Shannon and Prince Michael.

Over the course of dinner this evening, fierce debate ensued over whether Prince Michael could play Duke Kanye West's music within earshot of Princess Shannon. You see, Prince Michael is a Kanye West fan, and Princess Shannon is a fan of Duchess Taylor Swift. If you have an even minor inkling on the pulse of popular culture, you know why this is a hot button topic for a 12 and 15 year-old. If you don't, just take a peek at the embedded video.

Shannon was at one time a Kanye West fan, but after his rude interruption of Taylor Swift, stealing her thunder quicker than one of the vagabond children in Oliver Twist could lift a pocket watch, Shannon swore out of principle she would no longer listen to or support Mr. West's musical endeavours.

Four months have passed since the incident, yet to hear Shannon, it might as well have been 5 minutes ago. I'm proud she's sticking to her guns, but I have to wonder...is it truly out of principle, or does she just want to annoy the hell out of her brother?

A Tribute on MLK Jr. Day

I'm running into the snow to run to work while my little ones sleep in on this Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I must not be jealous for I enjoyed those days myself long ago.

My son shared the attached tribute to MLK Jr. Day, so I feel he has done at least a little something to deserve the day off more than some. Take time to remember the man we honor today.

There is Hope

His Majesty, my husband, made a New Year's Resolution this year to help the cooks in the kitchen prepare our feast once a week. He chose Wednesdays as his night.

For Queen Mum, this was wonderful to hear, because she doesn't usually make it home until after 5:45 (running the kingdom is not easy work) and, in actually, she does not have a real cooking staff. I have a cooking staff of 1, me, and occasionally Princess Brianna is good for offering to stir various pots and chopping vegetables.

The first Wednesday I came home, His Majesty was still in bed (he works nights, remember). I knew he wanted help with his first few meals, but I at least expected him to be awake - I was a bit disappointed and set about my work of gathering a leftover feast because I was not in the mood to drum up new goods.

Last night, however, His Majesty was as good as his word. I started him with something simple - Chicken Voila! He cut up chicken and he sauteed it nicely (there's only about enough chicken for His Majesty alone in a bag of Chicken Voila! so I add a lb myself, plus more vegetables).

These are great for a quick meal for working moms, and it gives the non-cooker, like His Majesty, some confidence that he can make something edible for the family. Something about watching a man cook for you is pretty hot, too. Definitely got a few kisses and hugs squeezed in between stirring sessions. This is going to give my Wednesdays a whole new meaning to Hump Day.

Before the Birds

5:45 and already I've made my first call to start the daily business of running the Kingdom.

Before waking the subjects today, I'm on the search for some good beginner piano tips online. I have been commandeering Prince Michael's piano on occasion since 1/1/10 because I swore this year I WILL teach myself this great instrument.

There's an added benefit as well, because there's nothing like a little competition to get your offspring to practice. Can't have Queen Mum surpassing their skills just because she actually practices every day! That would be horrible. 'Tis true...when you really want the kids to do something - set the example.

Wherefore art thou, Queen Mum

I'm here. I want to be here to bestow my musings among the fretting mothers of the world to let them know they aren't alone. I'm just too wrapped up in the daily affairs of the kingdom. Promise to do better. Queen mum out.